A Splash of Heaven in the midst of Hell

It's been a terribly long time since I have posted. This was originally going to be a Facebook post, but I couldn't stop writing. Enjoy.

Joni began drawing and painting by using her mouth after her accident. Not only is she an incredible artist, but also speaker, singer, and writer. She also runs a company called Joni and Friends that reaches disabled people around the world with the Love of Christ. 

"a splash-over of heaven is finding Jesus in your splash-over of hell"

Reflecting on an incredible Chapel experience today. For those of you who don't know who Joni Eareckson Tada is, let me tell you. When Joni was 17 years old, she tragically became quad­riplegic in a diving accident as a result of a fracture between C4-C5 nerves in her neck. Today, she runs her own company, Joni and Friends, which helps disabled individuals around the world through the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

While the entire message was amazing, one specific story and quote struck me. I will quote the story here: "One day when Ken and I were driving home from chemotherapy, it was a day when I was feeling particularly nauseous … I was so worn out, so tired. And as we drove down the 101 freeway, me in the back of the van and Ken driving, we were discussing how suffering is like … what’s it like? It’s like a little splash-over of hell. Caught waking us up out of our spiritual slumber, getting us thinking about what Christ rescued us from ultimately, creating gratitude in our hearts for what he has secured on our behalf. Yeah that’s it; suffering is like a splash-over of hell. We pulled into the driveway, he turned off the engine and looked at me in the rearview mirror and asked, “Well, what do you think a splash over of heaven is? Is it those easy breezy bright days when there are no bad medical reports, when there is no pain, where everything is going well, where everything is comfortable and cozy? Are those things, are those days … is that a splash-over of heaven?” And in the quietness we both agreed, no–no-no … a splash-over of heaven is finding Jesus in your splash-over of hell. To find Jesus in your hell is so wonderfully sweet because you recognize that this is the son of God. Oh my goodness, he has beckoned me into the inner-sanctum of his fellowship of sharing and sufferings. And I wouldn’t trade places for anybody in the world to be this close to Jesus."

Wow. I was almost in tears after this story because of it's radical truth and beauty. "a splash-over of heaven is finding Jesus in your splash-over of hell." It's not when finances are good, bills are paid, friendships are strong, health is in order, etc etc etc. It's in the midst of tragedy, pain, and suffering. While I believe this and have heard this truth before, my eyes were opened today.

Because I do find myself viewing splashes of heaven when everything is going well in my life. Of course God is GOOD and LOVING and GRACIOUS in times without suffering. But, what happens when we are sad? Depressed? Suffering? God gets blamed. He gets yelled at, cursed out, even forsaken. We, or at least I, wonder where He has gone, when the truth is He was THERE all along….and I was the one who abandoned Him when life was good. And the minute when the tide got rough, I wondered why HE had left me.

Recently, I've had a lot of built up frustration with finances and how it affects people's relationships with God, dependence on parents, etc. You see, when you go to a private school, most of the people you attend school with come from comfortable, if not wealthy families. Debt is not an issue, vacations are yearly if not more, and God is good. For a lot, college debt is nonexistent because Mom and Dad pay for it and a practically new car is normal to have. I'm not saying that it's wrong help your children in some way, and I know that many students are thankful for this blessing and understand the concept of money, but for those that don't…that worries me a great deal. But that's another topic.

A question related to this, however, that has been on my mind lately is, "Would Jesus still be GOOD if these people suddenly lost everything? If all their money and comfort were gone, OR even a significant enough amount of it, would they be as happy as they are and would Jesus be ENOUGH?"

Now, I know that is being somewhat presumptuous/stereotypical/judgmental. But you have to admit, there is a lot of truth there. I mean, I can honestly say, if I lost a family member or close friend, or went through something traumatic and tragic, I don't know that Jesus would be enough. If I didn't come from a family where you struggle and have to work for what you have, and yet you STILL struggle financially, I think I would have a entirely different picture of who Jesus is.

But, today, my eyes were opened to such beauty. Because, here was a woman who was 17. She was healthy, fit, and loved the Lord. And in a blink of an eye, she lost the ability to walk and move her arms. And yet, today, at 64 years old, she is CHANGING lives with her testimony. Jesus is ENOUGH for her. It doesn't matter that she is wealthy because of her business, Joni and Friends. Her money can't make her walk again. Her money can't take away the daily pain. She suffers daily, and some would say that she is in a never-ending "splash of Hell". But she doesn't. She is HAPPY. She’s even thankful for her pain!  “He has beckoned me into the inner-sanctum of His fellowship of sharing in sufferings. I wouldn’t trade places for anybody in the world to be this close to Jesus.” This is a direct quote from an interview entitled, “How Much Pain is Enough?”

If there are people, like Joni Eareckson Tada, who live with disabilities and pain AND still find Jesus to be GOOD and LOVING and ENOUGH, what right do I, a fairly healthy, 21-year-old, have to complain about in comparison? What reason do I, let alone we, have to think Jesus isn’t enough or isn’t good? Welcome to the sweet truth of conviction, my friends. There is beauty even in the darkest nights. And, I know, that day comes when I not only believe, but put into action, that in the midst of my suffering that He is GOOD and ENOUGH, will be the day that I experience Jesus is a much more intimate and powerful way than I ever have before.

I want to leave you with more quotes from Joni. This quote is from a few years ago, and she is cancer free today.

“He and I are so grateful for the disability, for the pain, and—yes, in a strange way—even for the cancer, although I am far from being declared cancer-free. All of these things help us stay hungry for the Bread of Heaven. They help us stay thirsty for the Living Water. Suffering keeps waking us up out of any spiritual slumber we might find ourselves in. Suffering is the textbook that keeps teaching us who we really are. We are not the paragons of virtue that we would so like to think we are; no, we are sinners in need of redemption each and every day.

Suffering sandblasts us, strips us bare—strips us of our sinful ways, leaving us raw and exposed. This is so that we might be better bonded—better bonded to the Savior. Oh my goodness, when we leave sin behind and our hearts start beating in rhythm with Jesus, well . . . you just can’t help but sense the favor and the joy and the approval from God Almighty, Himself.

When you sense His strength being syringed into your spiritual veins—oh my goodness! When we obey God, when we become holy as He is holy, it’s like He opens up the floodgates of heaven and joy comes cascading down, spilling up and splashing out of our hearts and rushing out to others in streams of encouragement, and then rising back up to God in an effervescent fountain of praise.

Hallelujah, I have found Him
Whom my soul so long has craved;
Jesus satisfies my longings;
Through his blood I now am saved.

("Satisfied" by Clara Tear Williams)

And then we are, as it says in 2 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 10, “Sorrowful yet always rejoicing; we are poor, yet making many rich. [We have nothing], yet we possess everything.” God is ecstasy beyond compare. His Son Jesus is ecstasy beyond compare, and it is worth anything to be His friend—anything, no matter what the hardship.”

Source: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/how-much-pain-enough/

-Mandy

The power of worrying.

Can you remember the last time you weren't worried or anxious over something? Can you remember how long those worry-free moments lasted. During the summer, I can recall times when this were true, but not for very long.

I have been a worrier ever since I was little. In fact, I've been clinically diagnosed with anxiety since 10 or 11 years old. I am an anxious person and anyone who knows me can tell you that. And it's only gotten worse as I've gotten older. I fully believe in God's power of healing and redemption, but I can't say I've been broken from the bondage of worrying. Truthfully, I'm not holding anything against God for that. Sure, it would be nice to not worry all the time, but if it's lasted this long in my life, I have to believe God has a reason it's still running rampant. 

Whenever someone has asked me why I'm so worried all the time, I honestly can't pin-point an answer. Genetics? My Grandmother worried all the time, my Mom worries alot, maybe I'm next in line? My life circumstances? I've been overweight my entire life and was bullied when I was younger. Control? Uncertainty? I think it's a combination. 

How does worry/anxiety play out in my daily life? When something happens out of the ordinary and I don't like the change, I feel a panic inside and can feel my heart beat faster and faster. Thoughts run through my mind of what ifs, what am I going to do, etc. And then I dwell on finding a solution until I do my best to solve it. Yes, I've had to give up before. And yes, things work out one way or another. So what does my worrying accomplish? Motivation? Drive? To an extent. My worrying also manifests itself into different actions. It takes my focus off of Christ, it leads me to complain, and it takes focus off caring for my loved ones. It leads to jealously, to comparison, and much more. Let's be honest, it requires a lot of time and effort.

But, Mandy, how do you reconcile worry with living a life devoted to Christ? Bam. The ultimate question. The question I still struggle with to this day. The one piece of bondage that I think holds me back from a more intimate and deeper relationship with Christ. The reigns I hold to control my life. The reigns that I will give to God, but when I don't see a solution in sight will snatch them right back as if I have a better capability to find the answer. Do I honestly think our heavenly father, the most perfect being, doesn't have a better plan than I do? No. But am I patient enough to wait for his plans? I don't think so. I've heard all the bible verses and I've read lots of literature related to this topic. From "denying Christ's work on the cross by not trusting in Him", to "not being a true Christian" and many other ideologies. 

Failed attempts. I've gone back and forth giving Christ control and trusting him in order to not worry time and time again, and yet I still am at square 1. There are so many uncertainties in my life right now, that I don't know how I can't be worried. For example, paying off college debt once I graduate, getting through the nursing program at Bethel and graduating (a long road ahead), and much more. But, you know what's ironic and what keeps me going? God's brought me this far. I'm 2 years through my undergrad career (and in a huge amount of debt already) and He has proven to me time and time again (mainly through exams and school) that If I put time and effort into things and trust him, there is no need to worry so much. 

When will it be enough? I feel like my whole view on life would be altered if I experienced the freedom from anxiety. I honestly, can't imagine what that would feel like. And I can't do it alone. It would take a lot of work on my part, God's grace, and the support of my family and friends. Would you consider helping me? Whether it's through suggestions, prayer, or empathizing, it would mean so  much. Please message, not comment if you feel led to do so. 

Blessings,

-Mandy

A Trial Run

There are things I thought I would never do. Blogging was one of them. So was Myspace, Facebook, scarves, twitter, and others. But, I did it. I gave in to the societal norms of my age. I'm not even sure what went through my mind when I finally gave in to these. Perhaps pure curiosity, perhaps temptation. 

I'm not even sure if I will continue blogging, but I find myself more and more often wanting to write out my thoughts and I thought what better way to do so? So here I am. 

I know there are no 'set' rules to blogging. Blog posts can be sentences to paragraphs in length. You can choose to post pictures or not post pictures. You can write about travels, religion, education, and much more. But for anyone who knows anything about me knows that I can be a perfectionist about these type of things. And to be honest, when I decided to try blogging, I spent an entire day comparing wordpress to blogger, choosing backgrounds, and fonts. Pathetic, I know. And I guarantee this blog post will take at least a half hour to type. That's just me.

If there is one thing I want to express in my blog posts it is this:   to be     completely     transparent.  I'm not here to complain about my life, nor am I here to put on a mask and act like I have it all together. Instead, I want to encourage others and myself by being transparent about   where   I'm    at   in my life.  Sometimes that may mean sadness, sometimes happiness, and sometimes somewhere in between. But, whether my posts are about work, school, my walk with Christ, etc, I want to be completely honest and open. 

I invite you on this journey with me,

-Mandy